Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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