so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
