To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
