im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
