So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
