Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize