the new term for farting is butt boxing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
