ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
