did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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