Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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