Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
