Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
