we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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