I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
