Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
