I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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