This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
