That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
vagina is talking i cant
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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