The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
