Kiss
Puke
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
