this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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