I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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