You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
