all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
