he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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