Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
