i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
