I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i drank out of a bidet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
