i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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