soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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