dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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