is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
