Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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