this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
