just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
