then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
