I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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