i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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