I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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