Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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