If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Terrible idea I love it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
