playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
