so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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