I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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