I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
