You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize