I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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