didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
