plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
