Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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