all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
