It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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