1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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