I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
