fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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