I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
