i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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