I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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