Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
