I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
