My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
