I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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